Happy birthday, America! You wear 238 years well.
Apologies for not lighting all 238 candles, but we thought it might be a safety hazard … not to mention the serious cake real estate they would take up (and you know how we feel about wasting good cake).
Before we put our party shorts on, blow out these candles in your honor and light up your sky with fireworks, we wanted to take a moment to thank you for being, well, YOU. You’ve accomplished so much in your life — from starting a democracy to sending a man to the moon — and we know your best years are still yet to come.
America, you are the epitome of iconic style — and you continue to get better with age.
Now … who wants cake?